Recently I’ve been suffering quite a lot of ‘bad body image’. If you have an eating disorder you probably know what I’m talking about, if not let me break down all the thoughts that are filling my mind. Although my anorexia nervosa didn’t come as a direct result of wanting to be thin, the more I fell into the depth of the illness the more … Continue reading Dealing With Bad Body Image
People just don’t seem to understand. It’s not a ‘silly diet’ or something I can turn on and off whenever I want to. How I wish I could! It’s a struggle, a war- where both the enemy and the ally is yourself… which parts do you listen to? My mind just won’t shut up, I can’t stop those racing thoughts exploding in my mind like … Continue reading What It Feels Like To Be Anorexic
Why is it that most of us live our lives in such a way that pleases others? It seems illogical to me that we base our days doing things that will make us accepted by people around us, rather than doing things that we would rather do and that please ourselves. You only live once. How many times have you heard this phrase? But have you … Continue reading You Don’t Have To Prove Anything To Anyone
Whether I’ve slept or not it doesn’t matter, my nightmares would just be a recreation of my daily life. I do not feel tiredness in my body. I do not feel my body. It is made of solid bronze and the only feeling I do feel is me aging every day. If someone were to touch me with their hands, my coldness would diffuse to … Continue reading Still Life – A Story About Depression
This may be more of a rant than anything else but I believe it needs to be said. Throughout the past few years I have encountered various people both online and in real life who have been dealing with mental illnesses. A thing I have noticed by following these people is how much of a competition there seems to be between people to be ‘the … Continue reading The competitiveness with illnesses
For God sake help me- I suppress the weak cry I must strive higher Please- I shake my head clean Filled with me. The plead is inaudible. I stay grounded Yet I find myself running I’m lost- No. I’m strong, I can keep going Nothing can stop me With one single mind- But there it is Why?- It’s a broken scream One I cannot bare … Continue reading Single Minded- A Poem About Anorexia
I think that a lot of people who have anorexia have had this thought. This is understandable due to this illness being, unfortunately, very competitive. It’s hard to make an effort to eat and get better when you know there are worse places you could reach, places which other people have reached. The problem however, is that no matter how far worse you get, it … Continue reading “I’m not sick enough to recover”
There’s no doubt that having any kind of eating disorder, or any disorder for that matter, is hard. Excruciatingly hard. What you feel is not felt by anyone else. You are alone in your pain…. But only if you let it be so. Mental illnesses are so hard to understand simply because most people are not mind readers, people can only faintly grasp what is … Continue reading Why Talking Helps – Expressing Your Feelings
Anorexia will always tell you to wait just a little longer. You may think now that you’ll truly make an effort to recover whenever x happens. But think back. Doesn’t that sound familiar? Didn’t you tell yourself before that you’ll stop restricting when something else happened. It happened. You didn’t stop. You won’t stop when x happens either. Nothing will ever be enough for your … Continue reading I’ll start eating when…
People get eating disorders for different reasons. I think that’s one of the most difficult concepts for people to understand or to acknowledge. People do a lot of generalisations and assumptions about the causes of anorexia. I know this because prior to having it myself I was convinced that the only reason someone would have anorexia is because they wanted to lose weight and to be skinny as they … Continue reading What Made Me Anorexic
Recovery 